How to Go to Egypt and Not Have a Shit Time
If there’s one country I think most people would like to go to but are wary of and don’t ever end up going to, it’s Egypt. I don’t need to itemize the attractions, but there’s a lot of info online indicating that you’re going to be assaulted by an angry mob of scammers the moment you set foot off the plane at Cairo airport. And to be fair, Egypt requires more work and advance planning than a weekend in Paris, so it’s not without its challenges. But is it as bad as people say? I went to Egypt in April 2024 and had a great time, and with a bit of preparation you can do the same. Our whole week-long trip cost less than $2000 for two people, so you can have a good experience for a fraction of what the curated all-inclusive tour companies charge. Here are my tips on how to plan a visit while minimizing discomfort and hassle.
Where to go:
The geographical accuracy of this map is….questionable, but it shows where things are
Most of the main sights are concentrated in two cities: Cairo and Luxor. There are other things to see in other parts of the country, such as beaches and scuba diving in Sharm El Sheikh and Hurghada, or the monastery at Mount Sinai, but I assume on a first trip you want to focus on the stuff Egypt is most famous for.
Cairo has the Great Pyramids, the Egyptian Museum, the Islamic Quarter, and the nearby pyramids at Saqqara and Dashur. Luxor has the Valley of the Kings, as well as the Luxor, Karnak, and Hatshepsut temples. Rather than turn the trip into a big production and move around everyday, I chose to focus on Cairo and Luxor. I was worried that if I went to Egypt and had a crap experience, I would be miserable and want to skedaddle quickly so I hedged my bets by not making the trip too long. And it turned out to be a great trip, so on another future journey I would like to do more, but you can choose to focus only on Cairo and Luxor and very easily see some of the best sights Egypt has to offer.
The big thing you will miss on a Cairo-Luxor itinerary is Abu Simbel, the massive temple built by Ramesses the Great down south by the Sudanese border. Abu Simbel is in the middle of nowhere, and getting there is not easy. If you do a Nile cruise (more on that later), some of them will go there via journeys originating in Luxor, but otherwise you’re looking at a long and expensive flight from Cairo with a connection at Aswan just to go see this one thing. Personally I didn’t think it was worth it so I skipped it, your opinion on whether it’s worthwhile may vary.
Abu Simbel temple (I skipped this)
Another place you’ve undoubtedly heard of is Alexandria, which was an important city back in Greco-Roman times, and was home to two famous wonders of the world: the lighthouse and the library. But the lighthouse fell down in an earthquake 1000 years ago, and the library was burned by fanatics even before that, so today there’s not as much as a single brick left of either structure. There are some other historic sights in Alexandria, but I don’t think it would be a priority stop for a first-time visitor.
When to go: temperature and Ramadan
Al Moez street, Islamic quarter of Cairo: Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing.
It may be obvious, but it’s worth pointing out that Egypt is a very hot country, and if you want anything near comfortable temperatures it’s better to go in the winter. You’re going to be spending a lot of time outside visiting temples and tombs, so you shouldn’t try to go in August when the average daily high is 35C/96F.
Additionally, as a majority-Muslim country, daily life is impacted by Ramadan observances. During the month of Ramadan (the dates of which change year-to-year since it's based on the lunar Islamic calendar), observant Muslims fast from sunrise to sunset, so most restaurants are closed during the day and attractions may have shortened opening hours. I wanted to not have to worry about things being closed or being stuck without being able to find lunch, so I went right after the end of Ramadan, which was late April 2024. That time of year was already a bit too hot, down south in Luxor it got up to 45C/113F in the daytime, and I wouldn’t suggest going later into the hot season otherwise your brains will bake in your skull.
So to summarize: go in the winter or early spring, and check the dates of Ramadan.
To Cruise or not to Cruise
Many people enjoy going on Nile cruises, but I personally wasn’t interested in doing one. I don’t like the idea of cruises generally, I prefer to manage my own schedule and not feel like a hostage to the cruise company’s idea of a good time. Being in charge of your own movements gives you more freedom to focus on the things that are a priority to you, and you can go see things at off-peak times, such as when we went to Karnak temple at 6AM with zero crowds and cool morning temperatures. With the cruise you don’t get to choose when you do things, and the ship discharges you and all the other tubby gawkers in one place all at the same time, so by default you’re always stuck in a crowd. This doesn’t appeal to me at all, and though I did book organized tours for some things to make life easier, in general my contrarian, assholish, and deeply-introverted nature makes cruises a non-starter for me.
Also, to build off the assholish thing: it’s just a river, man. They’ve got rivers in America. It’s not a particularly magnificent-looking or scenic river, it’s not like a cruise in Ha Long Bay or the Norwegian fjords: it’s a polluted dirty river in a desert. To me it’s just not worth the time, money, or loss of control to go on a cruise.
Avoiding hassle and scams
Generally, what you read online about Egypt is that it's horrible and people will get up in your face and scream at you to buy their souvenir junk, or try to grab you or touch you and whatnot. Nothing of the sort happened to me. Granted, I'm a six-foot-tall white man, but even so, this kind of thing has happened to me in other countries (I’ll write about that another time) and Egypt was honestly not that bad on a global scale.
I think there are a few factors leading to this perception, which you’ll see cropping up again and again on Reddit anytime someone asks about worst ever travel experiences (sidebar: why are we taking travel advice from a website for people who live in midwestern basements, work at Gamestop, and collect anime figurines?) For several years after 2011 there was a lot of political instability and terrorism in Egypt, so tourists stayed away. I think because so many people in Egypt depend on tourist dollars for their livelihood, when visitors were scarce the trinket-sellers, taxi drivers, and other scam artists became much more aggressive towards the few foreigners they saw in order to earn money. So people who went to Egypt a decade or so ago may have had a different experience than I did. And the other factor is that many Western visitors who have never been to a poor country before come with a different set of expectations and are shocked when they find it isn't a family-friendly Ancient Egypt-themed Disney park. Well, I haven't been to Disney lately, so maybe they have amputee child beggars there now, but probably not.
Street in the Islamic Quarter, Cairo
In Cairo and the surrounding areas no one bothered me at all, not once. Cairo is a huge city, most people are going about their business and don’t really care about tourists. I walked around several different areas in the city, including the Islamic quarter at night, and no one spoke to us or tried to hassle us. At the pyramids there were some guys selling water, souvenirs, and camel rides, but all the ones I saw were minding their own and didn’t ever approach us, call out to us, or try to get our attention in any way. So Reddit is wrong (shocking, I know).
Luxor is a bit different: this city has no other purpose than tourism, so people are more aggressive. Taxi drivers, trinket salesmen, and other ne'er-do-wells will call out to you in English, ask “where are you from”, say stuff like “Sir, I work at the hotel you stay at, don’t you remember me?”, and the other usual tactics. The Nile corniche, a paved waterfront walk in Luxor, is particularly bad for this. But they can be avoided easily enough: wear sunglasses so you don’t make eye contact, wave your hands to indicate disinterest, firmly say “La” or “La shukran” (“No” & “No thank you” in Arabic) and generally don’t engage. Quick rule of thumb that applies in parts of the world like this: if a strange man approaches you out of nowhere and asks “where are you from?” he isn’t actually interested to hear about your life in Kansas and the fact that little Brayden’s team (The Hicksville Fightin’ Bulldogs: Go Hicks!) nearly took state last year, he just wants to extract money from you somehow. If he realizes you aren’t easy prey, he’ll leave you alone and look for someone else to bother (I keep using male pronouns because there are no female touts, taxi drivers, or trinket-sellers in Egypt). While the guys in Luxor were slightly annoying, they weren’t ever overly-intrusive or scary: no one got up in our face or tried to touch us, and “La shukran” was enough to make most of them go away instantly.
Luxor Temple
At major sights like the Valley of the Kings you’ll need to pass through a gauntlet of trinket stands before entering the attraction. They may call out to you with the usual hello-my-friend-hello-beautiful-lady-special-discount-today, but you can just pass on by and ignore it. I am not the souvenir-buying type, but if you like that sort of thing you’ll have no shortage of opportunities to buy a magnet or a t-shirt. I didn’t engage, but I believe haggling is expected and you can expect all these guys to speak basic English. Assume the starting price is at least double what the thing should actually cost.
Additionally, if you are Asian, you’re going to get “Ni hao” and “Konnichi-wa” called at you. If you’re a Black woman: “brown sugar”. Again, it’s just a tactic to get your attention: if you laugh, answer back, or proceed to lecture the trinket salesman on the crimes of Imperial Japan in the 1930s, then he’s won. So just ignore them and walk on by. I never saw one of these guys scream at a tourist, get up in their face, or chase after them chanting elementary greetings in East Asian languages: they’ll try once then give up if you don’t engage and move onto the next sucker.
Baksheesh: Egyptian tipping culture
While I love to loathe the American iPad tip screen, Egyptian tipping is next level and something to be prepared for. It’s called baksheesh, and I think it probably has roots in the Islamic obligation of charity towards the poor, zakat. Basically everyone who does any kind of miniscule service for you will expect a small cash tip, and people will go out of their way to try to offer you unsolicited help so they can score some baksheesh. So if some stranger appears out of nowhere and offers to help you with your bag, give you directions, hold a door, take your picture, or anything else, that’s the reason why: he’s expecting money. Definitely you should tip people whose services you’ve engaged (Uber drivers, tour guides, and tour van drivers should all get a cash tip of around 10% of their service cost, more for a particularly helpful guide), but be wary of “friendly” people popping up and trying to do something you didn’t ask for. Don’t let someone you don’t know take your picture or take your bag. To give an example, when getting picked up by our driver at the Luxor airport, some random teenage kid materialized and tried to “help me” by taking my carry-on rolly bag. I looked at our driver and asked “is he with you?”, the driver kind of rolled his eyes while the kid expostulated rapidly that he was indeed with the driver and was here to help me. I just kept a firm grip on the bag handle and told him I was fine and didn’t need help. He persisted for a few minutes, by which I mean we both had our hands on my luggage and pulled it along together. It was awkward as hell, but eventually he gave up and went away. This is the sort of thing you need to be wary of, and while the baksheesh might only amount to a few dollars, it’s annoying to have to shell out for some “help” you never asked for. So just be firm, say “no thanks” or “la shukran”, and ignore them, even if it feels uncomfortable or rude.
Getting places and getting around
The Bent Pyramid, Dashur. Good luck getting an uber to pick you up here.
Uber is the easiest way to get around in Cairo, I wouldn’t recommend trying local taxis. Cairo is not a particularly pretty city (with the exception of Al Moez street in the old Islamic quarter), so you won’t get much enjoyment or edification from walking around anyway. It’s boiling hot, crowded, dusty, and there are some very dodgy pedestrian crossings where red lights are more of a suggestion, so even for short distances it’s worth hopping in an Uber and paying a dollar or two to save yourself the trouble. A couple of times an Uber driver accepted my ride then messaged me asking for more money, I ignored it, cancelled him, and got someone else. Once in the car no one ever bothered me or asked for extra payment. You have the option in Egypt of paying the Uber fare with cash instead of credit card, and Egypt is very much a cash society. I don’t have scientific data on this, but they might be more willing to accept your ride if you choose cash payment on the app. A small tip after the ride is also expected.
Cairo has a metro system, but despite my love of rail-based mass transit, I didn’t ride it. The metro is meant to serve the needs of commuters, so it doesn’t take you to the touristy stuff. It’s probably not worthwhile for most visitors: you’re putting yourself at risk of being pickpocketed and Uber is cheap anyway.
Ubers can drop you off at Cairo airport but can’t pick you up. I had heard that the crowds of taxi drivers at the airport were ravenous and aggressive, so I booked a driver to pick us up through Tripadvisor. When I landed the arrivals area was actually just as quiet and calm as any Western airport, and no one accosted me trying to get me to ride with them. Maybe it was luck, the time of day, or just my theory from before that things were way worse 10 years ago, but no one hassled me at the airport. Still, booking a driver made the journey to central Cairo smooth and anxiety-free. Luxor does not have Uber, so you’ll need to book a driver in advance for airport pick up and drop-off. I also got our hotel to arrange a driver to take us to Karnak temple as that was a bit farther away from where we stayed in Luxor. None of these rides were very expensive by Western standards.
I recommend joining a group tour to go see things like the Pyramids and the Valley of the Kings. Now, considering that I spent all that time above poo-pooing cruises, you may think I’m a hypocrite, but when I say “group tour” don’t think in terms of five hundred middle-aged people waddling after a guy carrying a flag and a megaphone. Most of the stuff you want to see is quite literally in the middle of the desert (with the exception of the Egyptian Museum, Luxor temple, and Karnak temple) so you can’t walk there. Without a tour you’re stuck having to negotiate a price with a taxi driver to wait outside while you putz around, and pray that he doesn’t bugger off and leave you stranded in the desert. Once again, this ain’t London or New York: you can’t just take the tube or walk there, so a tour is the way to go.
Valley of the Kings: you probably don’t want to stroll from your hotel to here when it’s already 40 degrees C at 8AM.
To give an example, I booked this tour of the Giza Pyramids on GetYourGuide. An air conditioned van came to our hotel and picked us up, drove us right up to the Great Pyramid, waited for us while we went inside, drove us to a few viewpoints and the Sphinx, then took us straight back to the hotel afterward. No stress or worries about getting an Uber or taxi to take you home at the end of the day, and no wandering around in the hot sun having to manage the not-inconsiderable distance between the Sphinx and the Great Pyramid on foot. This made the whole experience a lot smoother and easier, and was just $30 per person. We only had 4 other people with us in the van, and our guide showed us where to go, brought us to good photo spots, and took pictures for us. He didn’t have a flag or megaphone, and he didn’t give us a detailed lecture on Egyptian history: he was more like a chaperone to make sure we didn’t get lost or confused. So it’s not a “group tour” in the traditional sense, but it will make your experience smooth and easy. And depending on how busy the season is, there may not be anyone else on the tour: we ended up as the only customers for our Dashur and Saqqara trip, so we got a private half-day tour for $40 per person. That guide was very informative and we enjoyed sharing a meal with him and hearing about his life. So going with a guide is well worth the money to have a comfortable ride, have someone help you, and to know that the driver is going to be there waiting for you while you traipse around the tombs.
Miscellaneous tips and advice
Karnak temple
With this level of preparation you can have a great and inexpensive trip to Egypt without a lot of stress or hassle. I’ve got a few other random tips that didn’t fit anywhere else: I’ll drop them here:
Don’t go inside the pyramids. There’s no decoration or anything interesting inside, as the interiors were never meant to be seen. There is no ventilation at all, so it’s constantly hot like an oven, near 100% humidity from tourist sweat and breath-condensation, and it smells like a port-a-potty. If you have any mobility issues at all you probably won’t be able to crouch down and climb up the 3-foot-tall 30-degree slope of the tunnel inside the Great Pyramid. I saw several older people who were obviously in distress here (as in “call an ambulance”-type distress), but fortunately they had friends and family helping them. It’s not worth the trouble. The Valley of the Kings tombs are all cool and ventilated though, so go in there for sure.
Speaking of, the Valley of the Kings has different pricing depending on what tombs you want to see. Tutankhamun costs about $11 extra (but remember: all of his treasures are in Cairo, not in the tomb) and Seti I costs $40 more. We just paid the base price and saw the tombs of Ramesses I, IV, V, VI, & IX (those Ramesses were a prolific bunch). These tombs were all spectacular and I don’t feel like I missed out on anything: they’re great but rather similar-looking.
Someday, eventually, some of the stuff from the Egyptian Museum is going to be moved to the “Grand Egyptian Museum” near Giza. But they’ve been working on the Grand Egyptian Museum for 20 years and the opening date is constantly being pushed back. It’s not obvious what items will be moved, or when, but at the time of writing all the good stuff like Tutankhamun’s treasures was still at the old Egyptian Museum downtown.
Most of the high quality international hotel chains are clustered around Tahrir Square in central Cairo. The Egyptian Museum is right there, so this is a good area to stay. The Pyramids are out in Giza, which is a dystopian hellscape of high-rise cinderblock slum buildings and garbage-strewn streets stretching for miles. It’s one of the most depressing places I’ve ever seen in my life. While it might seem convenient to stay over there, it’s probably better to base yourself in central Cairo: Giza itself has no charms or attractions for a foreign visitor unless you’re desperate for a pyramid view from your window.
Luxor has loads of hotels, but try to get one with a cool view. I stayed at Nefertiti hotel, the rooms were rather basic but from the roof terrace you could have your breakfast with a view of the Luxor temple, the Nile, and hot air balloons rising over the desert in the morning. Luxor isn’t particularly enjoyable as a town, so it’s better to stay close to the temple for views and convenience.
Everyone in Egypt smokes, including inside restaurants, so be prepared for that.
There are a lot of mangy-looking dogs and cats hanging around, but since they could have rabies or parasites you shouldn’t try to touch them.
This should go without saying, but be respectful to local people. While there are some scammers, most Egyptian people are very friendly and nice. Learn to say “hello” and “thank you” in Arabic (“As-salamu alaykum”, “shukran”) and if you get into conversation with someone, don’t bring up uncomfortable subjects (politics, religion, Israel-Palestine). Egypt has been through a lot of turmoil in recent years and saying the wrong thing could land Egyptians in prison, so don’t needle them with questions about their government.
Along these lines, be respectful of Muslim traditions. If you’re a man, don’t try to shake hands with a hijabi woman (hand over the heart, smile, and nod instead), and don’t take pictures of people praying at mosques. Not everyone has time to get to a mosque for prayers, so if you see someone with their eyes closed and their lips moving, that’s what they’re doing. Don’t interrupt them with “EXCUSE ME, THREE BIG MACS PLEASE” while they’re praying. Additionally, while there’s no law against dressing however you want, a proper shirt and long pants will earn you more respect than tank tops and shorts with “Juicy” written across the ass. The same goes for women as well.
Details of what I did:
Day 0: flew in at night, stayed at InterContinental Semiramis.
Day 1: Visited the Egyptian Museum and Islamic Quarter (both self-guided).
Day 2: Tour of the Giza Pyramids, then relocated to the Four Seasons Hotel Cairo at First Residence, which was free with my Amex Fine Hotels benefit. We got upgraded to a super-luxe suite, which was nice.
Day 3: Saqqara/Dashur tour, then flew to Luxor in the evening, stayed at Nefertiti hotel.
Day 4: Visited Luxor temple (self-guided).
Day 5: Luxor west bank tour: Valley of the Kings & Hatshepsut temple.
Day 6: Visited Karnak temple (self-guided), flew back to Cairo and then back to US.
If you have a question or topic you want me to write about next, email distilledhistory@substack.com